2015-2017. Powered by Blogger.

I tried to give myself time



Memories was a post with the intention to become a weekly ritual of my memories of the week. Sadly, my mind planned something else that made me need to have time for myself and take a breather. I was really affected by the fact that I wasn’t writing every day since I arrived here. I felt so lost and I was just a mess.

I’m not fully better but I’m getting there. Maybe it was just the pills? But, during the two weeks that I spent, fully, on myself, I’ve learned and realised a lot of things. Things that helped me slowly pull myself out of the downward spiral that I’ve put myself into.

I CRIED. Crying helps a lot. As funny as it sounds it actually does. I’ve cried so much this week that it helped me cleanse myself out of whatever it was that’s bothering me. I was able to express myself properly.

I READ.
I’m always reading but during this time, it acted as my escape from everything and just helped my mind place itself somewhere that wasn’t entirely problematic or emotional.

I WANDERED. I hardly go outside. I want to it’s just that I’m too lazy to. During this time, every chance I got, I went out. Whether it was just walking the dogs or doing some errands. I went out.

I TRIED MY HARDEST TO NOT COMPARE MYSELF.
The keyword for this is tried. I really did even though it was already hitting me in the face. At some point, I’ve told myself that I could settle for less and I’d make it work. That became my motto for the week. Thinking about it now, it’s not that I was setting my goals too low, it was just I decided to grab the opportunity that my current situation can provide.

I DID THE THINGS I LOVE.
I had a lot of time to draw and write in my bullet journal and it just felt freeing to draw and doodle. I haven’t made anything worth posting but hopefully soon. I didn’t write any poems or stories. Instead, I wrote me, my thoughts in a non-poetic way that I tend to do. I also started having my morning coffee again. This time with a proper breakfast beside it and it just signaled the start of my day. I also worked a lot with the creatives team of my two university organizations and did digital art for the first time again after many months!

During the process of giving myself all these, I didn’t really appreciate it, but I’m glad I did it and would totally recommend to do it if you’re in dire need of it. I feel like a bigger person now that I've matured in a small way. Before all of these, I thought that I didn't deserve to give myself this kind of me-time because I feel like I always have it. It turns out, laziness isn't me-time.