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I tried to give myself time

Memories was a post with the intention to become a weekly ritual of my memories of the week. Sadly, my mind planned something else that made me need to have time for myself and take a breather. I was really affected by the fact that I wasn’t writing every day since I arrived here. I felt so lost and I was just a mess.

I’m not fully better but I’m getting there. Maybe it was just the pills? But, during the two weeks that I spent, fully, on myself, I’ve learned and realised a lot of things. Things that helped me slowly pull myself out of the downward spiral that I’ve put myself into.

I CRIED. Crying helps a lot. As funny as it sounds it actually does. I’ve cried so much this week that it helped me cleanse myself out of whatever it was that’s bothering me. I was able to express myself properly.

I’m always reading but during this time, it acted as my escape from everything and just helped my mind place itself somewhere that wasn’t entirely problematic or emotional.

I WANDERED. I hardly go outside. I want to it’s just that I’m too lazy to. During this time, every chance I got, I went out. Whether it was just walking the dogs or doing some errands. I went out.

The keyword for this is tried. I really did even though it was already hitting me in the face. At some point, I’ve told myself that I could settle for less and I’d make it work. That became my motto for the week. Thinking about it now, it’s not that I was setting my goals too low, it was just I decided to grab the opportunity that my current situation can provide.

I had a lot of time to draw and write in my bullet journal and it just felt freeing to draw and doodle. I haven’t made anything worth posting but hopefully soon. I didn’t write any poems or stories. Instead, I wrote me, my thoughts in a non-poetic way that I tend to do. I also started having my morning coffee again. This time with a proper breakfast beside it and it just signaled the start of my day. I also worked a lot with the creatives team of my two university organizations and did digital art for the first time again after many months!

During the process of giving myself all these, I didn’t really appreciate it, but I’m glad I did it and would totally recommend to do it if you’re in dire need of it. I feel like a bigger person now that I've matured in a small way. Before all of these, I thought that I didn't deserve to give myself this kind of me-time because I feel like I always have it. It turns out, laziness isn't me-time.