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learning by living

I have stumbled upon a note saved in my phone whilst clearing it out. It was entitled: 2017 Realisations, dated the 12th February 2017. Upon reading the list, I’ve realised how much I grew and matured as a person. I wrote the list around the start of my 6th semester where I was an emotional wreck at the start of the year with all the drama happening. Drama that didn’t affect me directly but had a huge impact with how I perceived things.

It is true, life is the best teacher because I don’t think anyone told me these before.

I got mean, in a slithering silent way //

I didn’t like the person I turned out to be as I went through my semesters. I became a very judgemental person that can’t seem to stop her mouth when ranting to her friends. I’m not saying that I didn’t judge people then, it’s just that I kept it to my self back then.

I realise who my real friends are //
There were people who I thought that I was really close with, people I trust. But it turns out they didn’t think the same way. It might be my fault for assuming that they did but cutting me out of the picture was painful in so many ways. I understand that they have their opinions and own sides of the story but I just hoped that they didn’t approach me only when they needed something. Some people do that. They use you. No matter how long you’ve known them or how much you know each other. It was just sad.

Some just want people they can laugh with //
It’s scary and sad to think that there are people you laugh and talk with everyday in work, or uni, or school to only forget or lose them once you’re out of those grounds. No, it’s not the type of friendship wherein you wouldn’t talk for a while but when you do the connection’s still there. This is the type of friendship that’s exclusive to a certain topic or a certain place. I realised this in uni. People are just afraid to be lonely so they have these types of relationship. I think I was, am, one of them.

My best friends never left my side //

We never see each other often but they’re always there for me as I am with them. My best friends, they’re not perfect. They’re the type of friends that’ll rather hurt you with he ugly truth than tell a beautiful lie (this is so cliche I wanna barf). But then even if they’re brutally honest they ride along my fantasies and my search for the “doctor”.
There are things that you can’t really tell your family but you’re comfortable in telling your best friend. So just trust in them as much as they trust in you and don’t break that trust.

I need to listen to other people’s stories more and not talk about mine //

I have come to realise that I’m a (bit?) ego-centred and self-centred. I like telling stories. My friends knows all of it. I sometimes overshare with the people I’m closest to. I tell myself that it’s okay, but I don’t know anymore. I noticed that in conversations, stories that my friends tell, I tend to squeeze myself in their story by telling them my experiences with the topic or the place. Which apparently, to other people, seem like I’m stealing the spotlight. I thought I was contributing to the topic, it turns out, I’m not. I’m sorry.

Some things are better off unsaid //

It turns out that not everyone’s okay with you talking about your mental health (mental state). There are also people who don’t care about your opinion at all. I’ve had my fair share of sensitive people and people who are open to any type of topic without judging you. The thing is that, there are people who don’t care about the time when your phone fell into the sewers.

I need to get off social media //

I think I’ve gotten dependent on social media to keep me entertained. Also, instant gratification. I hate that thing. I hate how social media introduced that to me. Things take time and patience is very much needed. Social media’s also a main source of my insecurities with my friends having jobs or doing these cool things I know I could do but just can’t.

It’s okay if my brain’s too talkative //

Talk back to it… new ideas might just be born from it. I’ve always ranted about my brain being either too talkative or too silent. There’s perks with both things. Having an overflowing mind means that your imagination’s roaming free while a silent one means there’s more room for reflection and other things.

what have you learned from life lately?