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fate and destiny

despite having so many thoughts in my head, i haven't been writing lately. there was a day that i actually considered starting a podcast of some sort for all these internal monologue. i started recording and as i was talking -- it was all over the place. that plan's gonna have to be on hold for now.

its currently 10:01 pm and i had this urge to post photos i took with pau and dani on instagram for my somewhat birthday celebration around and in ust.
during my time back there, in front of the martin de porres building, it reminded me of the time i decided i'd pursue medicine. at the first gazebo in front of that building, just around the time most med students would go out to grab their lunch or take a break. i remember seeing their summer and clerkship uniform that rooted the idea that i would study medicine there. it's shallow to decide where i'd study based on their uniform -- but it added to the excitement and fun.

this time, the darkness was starting to cast down from the heavens and, pau and i sat there, catching up with each other and talking about our plans, realisations and philosophies we seem to carry around our minds 90% of the time. at some point in the night, we called our friend dan, and i ranted about how fate and destiny is holding everyone back from happiness and their dreams.

i read her something i wrote on 13 feb 2020:

for so long i believed that my whole life is written in some deity's books. but now that i have this concrete dream that i have no plan of letting go of, it made me question fate and destiny.
this idea of that the story of our lives are already written somewhere is holding us, people, back from things that bring us happiness.
it's not meant to be

is it? or it's just the excuse we've managed to come up with instead of accepting the idea that we may have given up of our plans or that we've fallen out of love with it? this phrase is the in-denial speaking. it's the answer to the regret and the what-ifs that are sitting on top of our guts whenever our memories reopen that pandora's box.

destiny and fate are not defined. it's not written in god's or some deity's books. it's the choices we make in the situations we are in, in front of the challenges and emotions were are facing. we decide if it's meant to be.

if it's not meant to be, then i'll make it meant for me
some might say that this is my optimism speaking -- pessimistic lyza will agree to the some. but. but if these thoughts and belief means that i'll have a greater chance and better confidence to reach my dream, then why the hell not?

will you follow some whatever unknown fate and destiny? or will you create your own?